A sad story of my marriage to a German man

I am 30 years old and got married to a German man. And of course, I moved to Germany. We met through an online dating site and had communicated for two years before we decided to get married. My German husband is 32 years old and has no job. He said that in Berlin it is very difficult to find a good job. My husband has a diploma in religious studies. He stays at home mostly.

The period of my adaptation in the new country was very difficult although I have previously visited many other countries and even worked there. I thought that my moving to Germany would be something special and I could enjoy the German architecture, traditions and culture. I dreamed walking and going to churches and concerts. But of course, I was looking for an idyllic family life with my German partner…

So, it is the third month of my stay in Berlin, and I’m going crazy. My husband is absolutely helpless in everyday life. Besides according to his doctor, he has phobias and panic attacks and must take tons of medication.

international marriage

We rarely go out, basically I have to support him, cook and clean our house. Moreover, I have to work very much every day although I still have difficulties with the German language.  My husband mostly stays at home reading scientific papers. Sometimes he goes to the supermarket to buy food. I began to work immediately after my moving to Germany cause of the lack of money. I feel an inner sadness in my soul and heart and just cry often at night.  I try to hold on, however.

I do not know what I have to do, namely: to stay with my husband or go back to Russia, to my old life there? I am not happy…

Evgeniya

(Source: http://www.woman.ru/relations/marriage/thread/3857144/ – translated from Russian into English)

Krystyna

Krystyna

Krystyna is a Ukrainian woman who blogs about dating Ukrainian & Russian women and how to deal with intercultural differences in a Ukrainian/Russian-Western relationship.

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2 Responses

  1. Val says:

    Hello Evgeniya,

    I’m sorry to hear that you met a German man with all those personal problems! I’m German myself and I can tell you that not every German man is like him. If I were you, I would take German language classes (you can take them at a reasonable price at schools called “Volkshochschule” -VHS-) and meet new people. If you have a permit to stay in Germany and there is not much for you in Russia to go back to, I would say stay in Germany but make sure that you do study the German language! Go out and make friends and you never know, you might meet a new man who is much better for you. Good luck!

  2. J Walker says:

    Yes, you have concerns but don’t forget you married him either in hope that you would share and adventure. 3 months…my goodness which planet do you live on and one can tell you haven’t had much experience in life. You must have had something to be writing for two years.. If you are definitely incompatible, which is the usual reason relationships fail…then than is difference. People are not disposable units like toilet paper….Try going to some counselling and mediation first; yes learn the native language…but you need to work hard on this. You give up too easily. If after counselling and a year – yes then consider alternatives but always communicate together even if you need support on eventual separation so you can do this with little hurt. I write this as experience as a Samaritan and under those conditions I would not advise you but here it is different….

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