Marrying A Ukrainian / Russian “Mail Order Bride”
In today’s changing dating and relationship market, electronic services have changed the way many perceive dating, relationships and marriage. By the click of mouse button a potential relationship or “woman of your dreams” can be found. While many accept this as a means of finding the right person, mail order brides, found on world-wide marriage sites, are still viewed with societal stigma.
For this reason, men pursuing relationships with mail order brides from foreign isles may find it difficult to explain to family and friends. Friends and family may have preconceived ideas about foreign women, and do not view such relationships or marriages as natural. They view mail order brides as poor women from third world countries simply looking for an opportunity.
Once the new bride has arrived, men may find friends and family members expressing sentiments such as, “she just wants your money,” or “she was just looking for a visa.” Mark Davis, Boss from the Worldwide Marriage Agency Dream Connections, calls this the “B.B.D. hunter” concept, or the “Bigger, Better Deal” model. This means family and friends view the foreign spouse as always being on the lookout for a bigger, better deal, and will eventually get out of the marriage once she finds a better offer.
There are, however, ways to combat such misconceptions and myths. Part of combating the problem is learning to remain calm and communicate effectively. This may help friends and loved ones understand all options have been considered with intelligence, research and full consideration of facts. When battling such statements as “the marriage won’t last,” having data to back up arguments will go a long way in proving points. Having statistics and research that compare “natural” marriages to marriages sought internationally helps silence these rumblings.
Another method is what Davis calls the “Feel Felt Around” technique, which is a standard marketing concept. Instead of arguing back with those particularly confrontational about the matter, simply diffuse the situation by explaining you understand how they feel, and once felt as exactly as they do. Then explain after considering the matter further you found there was bigger, and better information available.
An alternate method is the “Los Vegas Solution,” suggested by a caller in a Dream Connections web seminar. Create a wager with buddies and friends. Tell them for one month they are in charge of your romantic life. You will go where they tell you, wear the clothes that they suggest, and say the lines that they tell you to say. In exchange the friend must take full responsibility for success or failure of all romance. Few will ever agree to such a wager.
In truth, good people and quality relationships are hard to find. Friends and family may lack knowledge or understanding, and given enough time may open to the idea. Friends and family will eventually accept the relationship as they see joy replace loneliness. Ignore the negative commentary, and celebrate the love you have found with happiness, exuberance, and a new found purpose for living.