My thoughts about if my woman from Ukraine is real or not

Dear Krystyna,

To start with I am very pleased to find such a great site that is informative and useful for me and all others. Thank you!!

My question is one probably heard many times a day. After reading many blog’s and some of your articles I am finding myself questioning if she (lady friend) I have been writing is a real person. I found the “5 red flags” very helpful but so far it has not hit any of them.

I am getting very skeptical but at the same time don’t want to offend her by asking something I view as kind of rude. At the same time it seems that in the event it is just a “ghost writer” they would not say they were anyway. On the site I am using we need to open a certain amount of letters before we can request any further contact with each other.

I am ready to go to Ukraine to visit her but do not want to find out things were not as they were. Although, I am going to go no matter what happens. I have been studying the culture and history and places in Ukraine and it is far too beautiful and vibrant in history to miss out on!

I guess a question is in order. What does a person do in this situation? Are there tactful way’s to breach this without being rude? I tend to be very straight forward about many / all thing’s in any relationship but am concerned about a possible cultural difference as well as I am really liking her and don’t want to mess things up?

Thank you for your time and energy with the site and my question! 🙂 I am now a big fan and will keep my attention here.

Sincerely,

Chris

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Krystyna comments

Krystyna

Krystyna

Dear Chris,

First I would like to say you thank you for your message.

In my opinion, it is very natural that you could become sceptical about that the reality of your woman from Ukraine. You have heard the stories about scam from other Western men looking for a woman from Russia and Ukraine. I know how it is difficult to work out when a Russian / Ukrainian dating site is genuine or is attempting to prey on unsuspecting men outside Russia and Ukraine. Most men using Russian / Ukrainian online dating sites are looking for real love and sign up for a dating site in good faith.

When a man begins to communicate with a Russian or Ukrainian woman it is often difficult to know if the woman is real, or a fake identity used by the dating site. In most cases men become extremely cautious when they use a paid website and often wish to believe a woman is genuinely interested in them. In my opinion, too often the fear of a scam involving the theft of money from a man stops communication in what could be the beginning of a real, lasting relationship.

A Russian dating blogger Eve writes in her article “The Principles of Online Dating: How to Recognize a Scammer“:

As an example, one frequently seen in the Internet kind of men I would name “overcautious.” Seeking a foreign wife, some men fear being “scammed” or deceived. They are not sure in anything and do not trust anyone. “Overcautious” men imagine their money and personal security are in danger. They are so concerned about being scammed that they are unwilling to pay the cost of the ticket.

Too often, the men visit dating websites, write letters to women, but break the conversation too soon. Each word in a woman’s answer is read with scrupulous cautiousness. If these men find words like “money,” “wish to see America,” she “cannot afford something,” the men automatically label her as a “scammer.”

Source: http://www.russianwomenmagazine.com/dating/scam.htm

There are surely some red flags of scam:

Examining the letters, emails and photo’s sent by a woman from a Russian dating site can give a clear indication of whether the woman is genuine. Some, unscrupulous websites pay women to message or videochat with the men who are the subjects of fraudulent activity.

Asking a woman from a dating site if they will use a commercial videochat service can often tell the man if the woman is genuine; if they claim not to know how to use the videochat and push the use of a dating site chat the chances are the woman is not genuine.

It is also a good idea to examine all communications for generic text that could apply to anybody. Other red flags that signify a scam are requests for money from the woman and include the sudden improvement in English language use when money is mentioned.

BUT….

Although it is difficult to navigate the vast amounts of fraudulent websites offering love with a Russian and Ukrainian woman it is possible to find a genuine woman. Being aware of scams can ensure a man is protected from losing money and confidence in finding a lasting relationship. But do not overdo and have trust to the woman!

In conclusion, I would give some simple tips that can help you to find out if your woman real or not:

  1. The first is to ask the woman for private contact information, such as phone numbers, email address or Facebook profile. Do not ask immediatedly, the woman can be scared if you aks after 1-2 messages.
  2. Using Skype is also a very good way to verify identify. Fake pictures are common among dating site and mail order bride sites, but a live video chat is very hard to fake.
  3. Another step is to ask for more private photos (but not for some naked photos!!! Women feel offended by such a request. Read more about this: http://ukrainiandatingblog.com/2011/09/guys-really-only-one-ukrainian-women/).
  4. Find her on Russian social networks like VK.com or odnoklassniki.ru and contact her there. It is a nice way to proove if she is real or not. E.g., I found myself in the social “people” search at Yandex.ru 🙂

people search yandex

Krystyna

Krystyna

Krystyna is a Ukrainian woman who blogs about dating Ukrainian & Russian women and how to deal with intercultural differences in a Ukrainian/Russian-Western relationship.

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3 Responses

  1. Milly says:

    When your trying to date a woman online from another country with the hope of marrying her someday its always wise to go and see her face to face, never part with money before hand and never take what she tells you as the truth, until you get to know her in person.

    Just use your common sense.

  2. Ralph says:

    Dear Chris,

    I strongly believe to not want any interpreter around while I’m on a date. That recent interview / blog post about the interpreter just confirms my belief.

    In regards to that news story from that interpreter, you have to take some of those things with a grain of salt. I’ve helped out people before and when I did it, I told the guy what the girl had written and then the guy told me what he wanted me to write to the lady.

    Please be aware that contacting a lady through Anastasiadate or similar services involving translators will most probably get you in touch with ladies which speak very little English. That means you need to learn some Russian beforehand (also helps getting around if you’re not the package tour type) and that you need to have some translation software in your cell phone / access to Google translate.

    As in my case, I asked my lady during the third or fourth chat for her last name and where she is working. Then I looked her up. Unfortunately her name is the equivalent to Jane Smith, looking for her Facebook and VKontakte profile proved to be futile. But with some advanced Google skills (you write her name in cyrillic and you use russian search terms) and knowing that she’s got some success in her career and where she’s working, I finally found photos of her in some local online newspapers and they matched.

    I then contacted her company for her contact details. You cannot ring up and say, I met this girl while dating online… if they understand you in the first place! I just saw that her company opened up a Facebook profile, I told them that by pure chance I will be in town how I could get in contact with her. The media intern responded that she sees what she can do and 10 minutes later I was in contact with my lady.

    One more thing, watch the Daria German Dating Videos on Youtube. And watch them more than once. Eastern European women tick differently. If you want to seduce a woman, you need to know what she wants…

  3. I have been communicating with a lady from Charmdate and really like her there is a large age disparity but she says no matter. I just informed her of serious financial issues short time. And her next letter asked for a $299 gift to help her with a sunburn issue from that morning. This is the 2nd time she has asked for fairly exspensive gift. She goes by Ellie and I really like her Can you find out any info on her for me Thank you.

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