My thoughts about if my woman from Ukraine is real or not
To start with I am very pleased to find such a great site that is informative and useful for me and all others. Thank you!!
My question is one probably heard many times a day. After reading many blog’s and some of your articles I am finding myself questioning if she (lady friend) I have been writing is a real person. I found the “5 red flags” very helpful but so far it has not hit any of them.
I am getting very skeptical but at the same time don’t want to offend her by asking something I view as kind of rude. At the same time it seems that in the event it is just a “ghost writer” they would not say they were anyway. On the site I am using we need to open a certain amount of letters before we can request any further contact with each other.
I am ready to go to Ukraine to visit her but do not want to find out things were not as they were. Although, I am going to go no matter what happens. I have been studying the culture and history and places in Ukraine and it is far too beautiful and vibrant in history to miss out on!
I guess a question is in order. What does a person do in this situation? Are there tactful way’s to breach this without being rude? I tend to be very straight forward about many / all thing’s in any relationship but am concerned about a possible cultural difference as well as I am really liking her and don’t want to mess things up?
Thank you for your time and energy with the site and my question! 🙂 I am now a big fan and will keep my attention here.
First I would like to say you thank you for your message.
In my opinion, it is very natural that you could become sceptical about that the reality of your woman from Ukraine. You have heard the stories about scam from other Western men looking for a woman from Russia and Ukraine. I know how it is difficult to work out when a Russian / Ukrainian dating site is genuine or is attempting to prey on unsuspecting men outside Russia and Ukraine. Most men using Russian / Ukrainian online dating sites are looking for real love and sign up for a dating site in good faith.
When a man begins to communicate with a Russian or Ukrainian woman it is often difficult to know if the woman is real, or a fake identity used by the dating site. In most cases men become extremely cautious when they use a paid website and often wish to believe a woman is genuinely interested in them. In my opinion, too often the fear of a scam involving the theft of money from a man stops communication in what could be the beginning of a real, lasting relationship.
A Russian dating blogger Eve writes in her article “The Principles of Online Dating: How to Recognize a Scammer“:
As an example, one frequently seen in the Internet kind of men I would name “overcautious.” Seeking a foreign wife, some men fear being “scammed” or deceived. They are not sure in anything and do not trust anyone. “Overcautious” men imagine their money and personal security are in danger. They are so concerned about being scammed that they are unwilling to pay the cost of the ticket.
Too often, the men visit dating websites, write letters to women, but break the conversation too soon. Each word in a woman’s answer is read with scrupulous cautiousness. If these men find words like “money,” “wish to see America,” she “cannot afford something,” the men automatically label her as a “scammer.”
There are surely some red flags of scam:
Examining the letters, emails and photo’s sent by a woman from a Russian dating site can give a clear indication of whether the woman is genuine. Some, unscrupulous websites pay women to message or videochat with the men who are the subjects of fraudulent activity.
Asking a woman from a dating site if they will use a commercial videochat service can often tell the man if the woman is genuine; if they claim not to know how to use the videochat and push the use of a dating site chat the chances are the woman is not genuine.
It is also a good idea to examine all communications for generic text that could apply to anybody. Other red flags that signify a scam are requests for money from the woman and include the sudden improvement in English language use when money is mentioned.
Although it is difficult to navigate the vast amounts of fraudulent websites offering love with a Russian and Ukrainian woman it is possible to find a genuine woman. Being aware of scams can ensure a man is protected from losing money and confidence in finding a lasting relationship. But do not overdo and have trust to the woman!
In conclusion, I would give some simple tips that can help you to find out if your woman real or not:
- The first is to ask the woman for private contact information, such as phone numbers, email address or Facebook profile. Do not ask immediatedly, the woman can be scared if you aks after 1-2 messages.
- Using Skype is also a very good way to verify identify. Fake pictures are common among dating site and mail order bride sites, but a live video chat is very hard to fake.
- Another step is to ask for more private photos (but not for some naked photos!!! Women feel offended by such a request. Read more about this: http://ukrainiandatingblog.
- Find her on Russian social networks like VK.com or odnoklassniki.ru and contact her there. It is a nice way to proove if she is real or not. E.g., I found myself in the social “people” search at Yandex.ru 🙂