Revelation of the extraordinary man looking for a lovely woman from Ukraine (Part II)
This is the second part od the story “Revelation of the extraordinary man looking for a lovely woman from Ukraine”. You can read the first part here:
When I was 14, I went to one nightclub in Perth, danced with a nice girl, she gave me her address, I came visit to say hello, nothing more. I brought my hearing brother, he interpreted for me. He hogs her to himself, he finger-you know-her at bus stop, and I saw, and I knew, I’ll never trust anyone. Never date for years and years. Older deaf woman met me, wanted me and dated me, I felt lonely, might as well go with her, but she broke my heart. 7 years I wasted with her.
Now my heart have a hole, I thought maybe this Ukrainian woman might fill it, but I have a feeling, something’s wrong with her. I do not know. She is slow, takes few days to think over each of what I say, and then maybe reply. I find that strange. I don’t know what to do. I try help with suggestions, ideas, methods of healing, etc. Nothing. I don’t know if she is trying them out, or just ignoring me, or playing games. I do not know anything.
I want love, is that not much to ask? Why does it have to be so difficult? I’m not a bad man, I’m not some creep in the streets, I’m just a normal man looking for TRUE love, not sluts, not whores, not prostitutes, or games, or players or jerks! I want nothing to do with them. I want simple love, happiness & love. I feel like it’s a crime, like it’s illegal for a normal man to have love. That’s what it feels like.
I feel like I’m not allowed to have love, nor to make a happy family. I’m always told I’m not allowed to do this or that. I say, FUCK OFF, I can do whatever I want. I’m a man!
And I want my woman to SUBMIT to me, no one else. My WIFE, who I LOVE and HONOUR and RESPECT, she NEVER betrays me. That’s what I want. If she can prove this to me, then I can believe she’ll never betray me, and no more worry. For I would never betray her love for me. All other women would be dead to me. Yet women don’t believe me. They act like I’m stupid or something.
I have strong libido, I self-relief, but it’s not enough. LOVE makes life better. What God made us to be, man with woman, and that’s how it works. I don’t care about looks, well, a little bit, more I care about her mind, her heart, her soul, and how she treats her family, especially her father. If she loves her father and adores him, and treats him with respect, well, that’s what I want for my wife!
I have seen the opposite of this, Western women treat their fathers with disrespect, using them for money, games, etc. Horrible. I stay away from them. They’re no good. They are broken, as my Ukraine friend say.
I am tired. Tired of trying and never winning, trying and never achieving, trying and never find that elusive LOVE that hates me. I feel that deep in my heart. So I stay alone, try not to be unhappy, just live day to day, trying to build something of my life, but it always ends in failures.
Now I am trying the EFT to clear out the old stuff, and install new programming and I don’t know if this will work. It’s HARD for a deaf to be successful, I am so ambitious.
I want to make the kind of life I like, want, for myself, and share my life with the right woman who LOVES ME FOR ME! And I love her for HER. Not her money, not her things, but HER heart, her mind, her soul! That’s what I want.
I read many dating books, always about stupid rubbish. “Take over her mind, tell her what to do, blah blah blah.” They say. I don’t believe that. Women have BRAINS, they’re not robots! I don’t like those dating books, it’s rubbish.
I show myself to my Ukraine friend, she’s so honest, so real. First time in ten years I have a REAL Ukraine woman. She is so brilliant, so smart, wow. So funny, too! Ha ha ha. She made me LAUGH! Wow. She has funny jokes. I won’t say what, eh. So I thought maybe I found my love. I really hope so. Maybe she’s REALLY just too busy, with many jobs, so I must wait; patience is a virtue and all that. I ask about Skype, maybe she will try that? I don’t know either.
I want to get to know her more, read everything she says, she inspires me, made me happy, and I hope to make her happy, too. I don’t drink. I never like booze all that much. A taste, not much. Boring.
I don’t smoke. I learned to quit smoking about 7 years ago, I think. I am a much happy non-smoker! Ha ha. Saves money too! Those smokes are terrible stinks! Ha ha. I wrote a little ebook about how to quit smoking, but no one cares, no, not even any buy, too. I updated new infos, that one will be for sale, but no one wants to buy it, so I’m not making any money.
I try my work, my deaf fiction, but it’s not easy at all. Got many from many years, I try write, edit, rewrite, etc. Not easy at all. But I keep at it. What else I can do? I also study health, grow foods, but that is hard, all by myself to build and no one here to help, never mind. I will wait, get my own place, and then I can have room, to grow everything, to build everything. IF alone, fine, but if with love, well, I’d be happy, indeed.
I miss hugs, love, laughter, cuddles, jokes, play, being couple. I miss that very much. I was sour on love, because of my ex and such. But I keep hoping, the silly cliché, love will come when never expected.
I am deaf, and I doubt I will ever find love. What kind a woman would want me? I am good looking, I am sincere in my heart, and believe in faithfulness, but I can see out there, everyone have sex with each other and gives each other diseases and I want nothing to do with that. They disgust me.
I will stay single until I die. If a woman likes me and wants me, we’ll see. I will check her out first, see her history, what makes her the way she is today, everything. I won’t be fooled twice.
I have brains, too! I am smart, too. I am deaf, but not DUMB! Always too many people underestimate ME! I HAVE EYES to see! My eyes are NOT deaf! I will wait for my love, I don’t care how long I wait. She must be real, not fake.
That’s all I want to say.