My name is Oksana Makarova and I am a Ukrainian Mail Order Bride. I want to share my story so that other women may learn from what happened to me. It is my hope that men in search of a partner for life will pay attention to my words.
Perhaps it will teach them to take care and to have a better understanding of what life is like for women in Russia and the Ukraine, women who have suffered from misfortune and are desperate to begin anew, hopeful to find happiness, a life of comfort, and love along the way.
Is it humiliating being mail order bride?
It all began late in the year 2000. I was living in poverty in the town of Odessa in the Ukraine. On a whim, I gave in to the urging of a friend to have the chance to meet American men. I took a twelve hour ride by train to the distant Black Sea Hotel.
I ended up lined up against a wall with two hundred other girls, all decked out in their finest, while a small number of men from America looked at what was offered and thought about choosing a bride. It was like an auction or a cattle show and it was humiliating to stand and be stared at by men in their fifties and sixties.
When you are lucky and he chose you
Once we left the line up and some of the women paired off with the men, I looked at the pamphlet that explained an American company was trying to find wives for wealthy Americans that were discontent with women in America. They were supposedly in search of partners with good family values like Russian women.
A man in his fifties approached me. Through an interpreter, I found out he was a Florida doctor who wanted to offer me marriage and comfort if I would start a family. After I said yes for the sake of my son, he was kind for a week and left. I prepared for coming to America by learning English.
Final words: my abusive American husband
When I came to America nearly a year later, it all changed. He was demanding, only wanted me for chores and to have his children, and was abusive to my son. I had a son by him but he was so terrible one day to my Russian-born son, a social worker came and removed us from the situation.
I eventually found a new life and good man but it took a long time. Women need to be careful when they choose a partner in America to find out as much as they can and never stay in a bad relationship. They can find a better life but must use common sense and always place their welfare first.
5 thoughts on “My Sad American Life as an Ukrainian Mail Order Bride”
on the photo is a famous Ukranian singer Taisiia Povalii (Таисия Повалий)
С уважением очень печальная история. Я считаю, для вас и я надеюсь, что я никогда не встретиться с этой так называемой “врача”.
Я планирую жениться на женщине из России / Украины. Я вернусь, чтобы ваш сайт так, чтобы узнать, как быть джентльменом в культуре и от имени моей будущей женой.
Я прошу прощения за более рыхлых мужчин на этой планете, которые сделали вам и другим женщинам вред. Там нет причин для таких. И такие люди должны быть. . .
Do mail order bride really exist?
The answer is Yes, and No, it really depends on your definition of mail order brides.
The historical roots of the mail-order bride industry that emerged in the 1800s in the American frontier: European American men found financial success in the migration West, but the one thing that was missing was the company of a wife. Very few women lived there at this time, so it was hard for these men to settle down and start a family. They attempted to attract women living back East; the men wrote letters to churches and published personal advertisements in magazines and newspapers. In return, the women would write to the men and send them photographs of themselves. Courtship was conducted by letter, until a woman agreed to marry a man she had never met. Many women wanted to escape their present way of living, gain financial security and see what life on the frontier could offer them. Most of these women were single, but some were widows, divorcees or runaways.
During most of the 20 century, the mail order bride continued with the main method of women putting themselves in catalogs. Then men would view the women’s profile, then for a fee order the women address. These became the main order bride companies business method in the 20 the century, with the fall of the Soviet union and cheap airfares, these companies spread from Asian to Eastern Europe, mainly now the Ukraine
Today most women do not leave their countries to escape poverty but to seek a man they believe will be a good husband and provider, that is family orientated and that looks at women with more respect than in many countries around the world.
With the advent of the intent, the mail order bride industry boomed into a billion dollar industry, Now with a few pictures and website, anyone could be in the mail order bride business. With hundreds of ma and pop shops opening over the last two decade, Most who were clients of one of the three original mail order bride companies, A Foreign Affair (AFA), Anastasia and EC, The owner of ForeignLadies.com met his wife while working on a tour from loveme.com, A Foreign affair still today in the largest in the industry, each week they offer tours to one of a dozen countries China to Peru and everywhere in between. The industry grew so fast in 1998, Senator Cantwell of Washington state introduces legislation to regulate the mail order bride industry. and a new law Called: “International Marriage Brokers Act” or IMBRA was born. With stiff regulations, many companies like Anastasia moved from Bride business to Fantasy Chat.
Although the industry strongly objects to the term mail order brides, saying there is no difference if man in New York courting a woman from California through match.com, then courting a woman from Russia. Critics like the Terra Justice Center has a different out look, saying these men take advantage of women oversea. But studies have contradicted these statement and show abuse is actually lower in these marriages. See “International Marriages – A Report to Congress”
So why do thousands of women join these site: Elena Kosalova of the Ukraine says, “Men here are not serious about family, they expect women to stay home while they go out each night with their friends and drink. I want a man who s serious, mature and who wants to be with his wife and family. I have met Americans in the past and they seem more reliable and mature.” Elena rejects the idea she is a “Mail Order Bride”
Why do men seek a mail order bride: James Goodwin, 43 of South Carolina says, ” I meet women here all the time, but I just can not find the values I am looking for.. I have dated here for more than 20 years, After three days in Kiev, I was shock at how many beautiful women I met that I would consider marrying, now I am just trying to reduce my options and pick the right one. It truly is the fastest way to find a beautiful sincere women.
So what is the cost, the cost can range greatly from site to site and from type of service, AFA or loveme.com offers everything from letter writing, tours and executive services for the rich and famous. As little as $12 to as much as $25,000. The owner John Adams say’s the best way is just go over and meet then women, avoid letters and never waste money on expensive chat. You can meet up to 1000 beautiful women in just 10 days, it will be the greatest vacation of your life. Joe Nail of ForeignLadies.com, has stayed with the traditional Letter Writing, Each letter is $7.50 and but say they do plan on offer some limited chat option.
Many sites like,foreignwomen.com, PhilippineSinges.com, and UkraineSsingles.com, that offer simple unlimited membership for $29 per month. These type of site also target pacific regions, like Asia, Latin America or Eastern Europe.
There is also a site for mail order grooms; SingleMenOnline.com, that caters to men publishing their photos in hopes to meet an American Bride.
James Dunn, who is a ghost writer for review sites says “You get what you pay for. Membership sites to do not screen the members at all. so you never know who you really are writing, The big boys require the women to apply in person in one of their local offices. The companies that offer group tours will introduce you to hundreds of beautiful women, for the cost of $1000 to $3000 depending on location, about the same you would pay for any vacation. Several companies also do individual tours these can range from $750 to $1500, But only arrange one to one introductions, Always make sure they are biased in the USA or EU, Most of the complaints come from small agencies that are desperate and need to make as much as they can from you. Just a note, if the company is based in an a foreign country you will have no recourse if they do not follow through.
So do mail order brides exist, If you belive a if a woman is a mail order bride if she lives in another county then Yes, But if you believe it just another dating option like any on-line dating site, matchmaker or dating service, than No. . It really seems like a doubled standard in the world, If a women meets a man in Italy or France, then oh that is so romantic, but if a man meets a women in Philippines, than ….
Trump Brings Prestige to the Mail Order Bride Industry.
For years, International Marriage Services had to live with the stigma of being referred to as Mail Order Bride services. However, many consider the term “mail-order bride” derogatory and feel it demeans foreign women by comparing them to commodities for sale and falsely implying that (unlike local women), they exercise no judgment over the men they meet and would marry anyone from a relatively wealthy country. Even with the foreign women being labeled as mail order brides these companies have grown in popularity for the past two decades, largely due to the internet. The industry grew at such a fast pace it caught the attention of the US senator Maria Cantwell of Washington State, who in 2006 she pushed a bill through congress known as IMBRA or International Marriage Brokers Regulation Act. Although the intent of Senator Cantwell was clearly meant to put Foreign Bride Companies out of business by severely restricting how men communicate with foreign women. In the end, the companies flourished under the new regulations as these business quickly modified their business models.
Kenneth Agee, marketing Director for A Foreign Affair one of the largest so called Mail Order Bride Companies says, “We have always had to overcome this label. Since Trump announced his candidacy for president of the United States, the industry saw a significant increase in upscale business men looking for foreign brides. Once he became president, Trump made it the new status symbol of success to be married to an eastern European women. With First Lady Melanie Trump in the White House, opinions about foreign women have dramatically changed. Once men were scorned upon to be married to a women from Russian or the Ukraine, now is seen as prestigious. And we are seeing huge increase of men seeking foreign brides, our client base is up by more than 200% since Trump has taken office. This month alone we will be taking over 100 American men to the Ukraine, mostly very successful executives.” Beside online matchmaking, the company arranges group tours for men that will travel to countries throughout the world. During these tours the men will meet hundreds of pre-screened women during what A Foreign Affair calls “Social Events” or what Kenneth calls speed dating on steroids.
Critics say these women are just used as arm trophies for business men in America. That men take advantage of the women’s circumstances, both economical and geographical. Kenneth argues, “I would hardly say Melanie Trump has been taken advantage of or refer her to as a Mail Order Bride. Women choose just like the men choose, we are all adults and are responsible for our own choices. It is just that men in America have a good reputation for the way we treat women and how we take care of our families. This opens the door to the men to meet some of the most beautiful women in the world.”
Trump is not the only high profile person to marry a foreign women, Jeb Bush met his wife in Mexico. Rupert Murdoch former CEO of Fox News married Wendi Deng from China, and the list goes on.
If Trump accomplishes nothing else during his presidency he has clearly helped one Industry.