“Hello, my dear, how are you today?”—said no emotionally healthy adult woman who just met you.
Ever feel like you’re talking to a romance-themed chatbot that moonlights as a telemarketer? Welcome to the magical world of international dating chats, where fake profiles recycle the same awkward scripts faster than a guy dodging a gym membership call.
Here’s how to spot the difference between a real woman… and someone who’s clearly working off a very aggressive “engagement quota.”
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1. “You are so different from the other men.” You’ve exchanged three messages and said nothing but “Hi.” Is it your punctuation? Your avatar? Or maybe she tells everyone this.
2. “I was just thinking about you.” Oh, were you? While chatting with 46 other men on a pay-per-minute basis? That’s sweet. Like spam emails about lost inheritances.
3. “I dream of a serious, kind man with a big heart.” Why do all these women want exactly the same things… in the exact same wording… with identical photoshoots from 2008?
4. “I am not online much, but for you, I make exception.” Interesting, considering she responds in under 30 seconds. Consistently. At 2 AM her time.
5. “You have awakened something in me.” …like the billing department. Or the bonus tier.
6. “My translator says you are very interesting man.” She’s outsourcing your flirting to someone named Olga who’s on her fifth coffee and can’t believe she still has to type “handsome.”
7. “Please don’t stop writing me.” I wasn’t planning on it, Karen, but now I’m wondering if you’ll send me a handwritten letter next—right after the monthly chat invoice clears.
8. “I feel a connection I’ve never felt before.” That’s wild. We literally just said hi. Either you’re in love with my typing speed, or you’ve got another client on the hook.
9. “Can you help me with something small?” Ah, yes, the classic “just a little favor” line. Nothing says soulmate like a surprise financial transaction.
10. “You can trust me.” Ironically, the moment you absolutely should not. It’s right up there with “Your extended warranty has expired.”
Real women ask about your life, your work, your dog’s name. Fake ones ask how much you can chat this week, and if you think their dress is too short. If it feels like a phone script, sounds like a chatbot, and smells like commission-based affection, it probably is.
Hang up, block, move on.
