I am Alexander. I am 43. I am deaf. I speak very well. I have been single for about ten years now. I have tried to look for love, but it is very hard. Harder than the hearings can do, too. To me, hearings have it easy, they can speak and hear, fall in love too fast, have sex too much, and then throw each other out. That is not my way.
I seek LOVE, no sex before marriage, so I can be SURE, as I have hard time trusting anyone.
Try to study things
My first and last love was bad to me, she betrayed me, behind my back. I wasted 7 years of my life (27-34) helping her deal with her many problems, health, drugs, booze, etc. She was insane. I tried support, but nothing worked. Her children was not happy. I try build stability, but I can see how their are affected by their mother’s problems. I loved those children. I wish they were mine, but I had no claim over them.
After I was abandoned, I deal with horrible state of shock for few months. I would not wish that on anyone. Yes, I was angry and upset and all the emotions, I deal with it one by one. I found EFT, it appears to be working.
I tried internet dating, but it was bad times. I met so many liars, so many scammers, they hides behind pretty women’s faces, bodies, etc like COWARDS. They disgust me, and enraged me, how evil they are. I found romancescam.com and learned how to see signs to avoid them. I gave up dating sites for a long time.
I try study things, life, health, money making, all bullshit. Now I try finish my novels, then write more. I need background on Ukraine mafia, what are they like? Hard to research.
Mysterious Ukarainian Woman
I met a lovely Ukraine lady on a site, I won’t say. She has problems. She’s full of fear of Ukraine mafia she escaped years ago, I tell her they don’t care about her, they moved on, she should move on. But she’s full of fear, thinks they’re still hunting for her. I don’t know what to do. I try give her advice, try EFT, clear out negative feelings, emotions, maybe that works? I don’t know. She doesn’t say.
I feel like I love her, but it’s hard to be sure. I ask her, “Have you forgotten me?” She says no, no, she’s just busy, stressed out over her jobs, etc. Plus flu. She is a very mysterious woman I ever met in my life.
I know I can never go meet her, she’s so far away. I’m a pensioner, half of my pension on the car, I try save, not spend too much, I’m used to that for years. I try study, funds all my researches in health, in books, to study financials, to make money. Too much crazy rubbish out there. I feel like I know less than when I started!
I invested in StemEnhance, no one cares. I invested in Starcsapes, again, no one cares. I paint all the rooms in the house with stars, they glow at night. But I don’t know how to speak to hearings, show them this, but they say no. Maybe they think too expensive? Or they think I use black paint? Dumb! Can you see black paint in the DARK? Of course not! I use paint that is not black, but is whitish, nearly invisible with white ceiling! But no one cares.
So now I go back to my novels, try to write deaf fiction, maybe it will be big. I don’t know. Nothing is sure any more.
Clear old emotions
Same with the lovely lady, I don’t understand her, I admit, just little bit from what she says. Now I wait for her, what else is there to do? I wait, study, use EFT to clear old emotions out of me, and get better a little bit at a time.
But I love her, I feel connection, I LIKE her. She’s amazing, been through bad times, that will make a good woman tough! That is what I want to be my future wife, and future mother of my children, that is all I want. I want my woman to be happy with me, never worry, and I am an one-woman faithful man! I wait years, staying single, never touch women out there, I am CHOOSY! Woman must be honest, faithful, trustworthy, or they’re not worth to me.
I see what FEMINISM does to women, makes women crazy, disgusting; I want nothing to do with them. They disgust me.
I want a normal feminine woman who is loyal, honest, faithful, and trustworthy. To her I stay faithful, as long as she’s mine and never betray me, ever. If she betrays me, I go, bye. I don’t trust women that much. Because of this one issue. Trust is EARN, not given freely!
Why does it have to be so difficult?
When I was 14, I went to one nightclub in Perth, danced with a nice girl, she gave me her address, I came visit to say hello, nothing more. I brought my hearing brother, he interpreted for me. He hogs her to himself, he finger-you know-her at bus stop, and I saw, and I knew, I’ll never trust anyone. Never date for years and years. Older deaf woman met me, wanted me and dated me, I felt lonely, might as well go with her, but she broke my heart. 7 years I wasted with her.
Now my heart have a hole, I thought maybe this Ukrainian woman might fill it, but I have a feeling, something’s wrong with her. I do not know. She is slow, takes few days to think over each of what I say, and then maybe reply. I find that strange. I don’t know what to do. I try help with suggestions, ideas, methods of healing, etc. Nothing. I don’t know if she is trying them out, or just ignoring me, or playing games. I do not know anything.
I want love, is that not much to ask? Why does it have to be so difficult? I’m not a bad man, I’m not some creep in the streets, I’m just a normal man looking for TRUE love, not sluts, not whores, not prostitutes, or games, or players or jerks! I want nothing to do with them. I want simple love, happiness & love. I feel like it’s a crime, like it’s illegal for a normal man to have love. That’s what it feels like.
I feel like I’m not allowed to have love, nor to make a happy family. I’m always told I’m not allowed to do this or that. I say, FUCK OFF, I can do whatever I want. I’m a man!
Western women experience
And I want my woman to SUBMIT to me, no one else. My WIFE, who I LOVE and HONOUR and RESPECT, she NEVER betrays me. That’s what I want. If she can prove this to me, then I can believe she’ll never betray me, and no more worry. For I would never betray her love for me. All other women would be dead to me. Yet women don’t believe me. They act like I’m stupid or something.
I have strong libido, I self-relief, but it’s not enough. LOVE makes life better. What God made us to be, man with woman, and that’s how it works. I don’t care about looks, well, a little bit, more I care about her mind, her heart, her soul, and how she treats her family, especially her father. If she loves her father and adores him, and treats him with respect, well, that’s what I want for my wife!
I have seen the opposite of this, Western women treat their fathers with disrespect, using them for money, games, etc. Horrible. I stay away from them. They’re no good. They are broken, as my Ukraine friend say.
I am tired. Tired of trying and never winning, trying and never achieving, trying and never find that elusive LOVE that hates me. I feel that deep in my heart. So I stay alone, try not to be unhappy, just live day to day, trying to build something of my life, but it always ends in failures.
She inspires me
Now I am trying the EFT to clear out the old stuff, and install new programming and I don’t know if this will work. It’s HARD for a deaf to be successful, I am so ambitious.
I want to make the kind of life I like, want, for myself, and share my life with the right woman who LOVES ME FOR ME! And I love her for HER. Not her money, not her things, but HER heart, her mind, her soul! That’s what I want.
I read many dating books, always about stupid rubbish. “Take over her mind, tell her what to do, blah blah blah.” They say. I don’t believe that. Women have BRAINS, they’re not robots! I don’t like those dating books, it’s rubbish.
I show myself to my Ukraine friend, she’s so honest, so real. First time in ten years I have a REAL Ukraine woman. She is so brilliant, so smart, wow. So funny, too! Ha ha ha. She made me LAUGH! Wow. She has funny jokes. I won’t say what, eh. So I thought maybe I found my love. I really hope so. Maybe she’s REALLY just too busy, with many jobs, so I must wait; patience is a virtue and all that. I ask about Skype, maybe she will try that? I don’t know either.
I want to get to know her more, read everything she says, she inspires me, made me happy, and I hope to make her happy, too. I don’t drink. I never like booze all that much. A taste, not much. Boring.
Believe in faithfulness
I don’t smoke. I learned to quit smoking about 7 years ago, I think. I am a much happy non-smoker! Ha ha. Saves money too! Those smokes are terrible stinks! Ha ha. I wrote a little ebook about how to quit smoking, but no one cares, no, not even any buy, too. I updated new infos, that one will be for sale, but no one wants to buy it, so I’m not making any money.
I try my work, my deaf fiction, but it’s not easy at all. Got many from many years, I try write, edit, rewrite, etc. Not easy at all. But I keep at it. What else I can do? I also study health, grow foods, but that is hard, all by myself to build and no one here to help, never mind. I will wait, get my own place, and then I can have room, to grow everything, to build everything. IF alone, fine, but if with love, well, I’d be happy, indeed.
I miss hugs, love, laughter, cuddles, jokes, play, being couple. I miss that very much. I was sour on love, because of my ex and such. But I keep hoping, the silly cliché, love will come when never expected.
I am deaf, and I doubt I will ever find love. What kind a woman would want me? I am good looking, I am sincere in my heart, and believe in faithfulness, but I can see out there, everyone have sex with each other and gives each other diseases and I want nothing to do with that. They disgust me.
In Final Words
I will stay single until I die. If a woman likes me and wants me, we’ll see. I will check her out first, see her history, what makes her the way she is today, everything. I won’t be fooled twice.
I have brains, too! I am smart, too. I am deaf, but not DUMB! Always too many people underestimate ME! I HAVE EYES to see! My eyes are NOT deaf! I will wait for my love, I don’t care how long I wait. She must be real, not fake.
That’s all I want to say.