A few months ago, one of my readers sent me a message that started like a love story and ended a cautionary tale.
“She was perfect,” David wrote. “Smart, funny, said she wanted a simple life. We’d never met, but she called me my dear husband by week two.”
(You already know where this is going, Dear Reader.)
David had met her on an international dating site. She said she was from Kharkiv, worked in interior design, and dreamed of a “man who values kindness.” Within days, she was sending long, poetic messages about destiny. Within weeks, she was “in love.”
And then came the first test with “My internet is down, can you help me top up my data so we can keep chatting?”
It sounded small, innocent. He transferred $40. Then $60. Then “a little help for her mother’s medicine.”
By the time he realized what was happening, she’d deleted her profile and moved on to her next “dear husband.”
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The Sweet Talk Before the Sting
Here’s what’s so insidious: scammers don’t seduce you with sex (well, not always); they seduce you with attention.
They text constantly. They mirror your humor. They ask personal questions that make you feel seen for the first time in years.
- “You are so strong, yet so kind.”
- “I feel I can trust you already.”
- “I dreamed about you last night, my love.”
It’s not the money they want first; it’s your trust. Once they have that, you’ll start defending them to your friends. (“She’s different; you don’t know her like I do.”)
Most of these scammers work in teams, using pre-written message templates and AI-translated replies. You think you’re building intimacy, but you’re actually inside a copy-paste script.
And that’s the goal: they connect with you so quickly that your logic can’t keep up.
Explore more articles on international dating scams:
The Scammer Playbook
If you know their playbook, you’ll never fall for it again.
- The hook: A gentle, flattering message. “Hello dear, how is your heart today?”
- The bonding: Rapid emotional intimacy. “I also lost someone once… we have the same soul.”
- The mirroring: She loves dogs because you do. She hates drama because you do. She’s your reflection, not a person.
- The crisis: “I don’t like to ask, but I have a small problem…” (Spoiler: it’s never small or just one.)
- The guilt trip: You hesitate? “I thought you were different from other men.”
- The disappearing act: Once you send money, the “connection” dies faster than your bank balance.
I’ve even seen scammers who reappear under new names, pretending to be the “sister” of the woman you lost. It’s emotional recycling at its finest.
How to Outsmart the Script
The good news? Once you see the pattern, it’s impossible to unsee.
Here’s your anti-scam toolkit:
- Use video early. If she always has “camera problems,” she’s not real.
- Reverse image search her photos. If you find them on a model’s Instagram, congratulations, you’re dating a marketing campaign.
- Never send money. Not for data, medicine, cats, or customs forms.
- Ask random, practical questions. “What’s the weather like right now?” Scammers trip over small talk.
- Slow down the pace. Real women don’t propose marriage in week three.
- Stick to verified platforms. Sites with profile checks and translation moderation weed out 90% of the trouble.
I once tested an interpreter scam myself. When I stopped replying for 48 hours, “my girlfriend” suddenly messaged me in perfect English. Apparently, the interpreter had taken a long weekend.
Why Smart Men Still Fall for It
You know what? It’s not stupidity; it’s loneliness.
These scams don’t target your bank account. They target your emotional gaps. They make you feel admired, useful, and finally, at peace.
When you’ve been ghosted, divorced, or endlessly swiped past, that feeling is addictive. You’re not falling for her; you’re falling for who you get to be when she talks to you.
And I get it. Every man I coach wants the same thing: to feel wanted, respected, and safe again. Scammers just know how to fake it faster.
But here’s the good news: once you know that about yourself, you’re bulletproof. You can enjoy the excitement of international dating without mistaking flattery for affection.
Protect Your Heart, Not Just Your Wallet
There are genuine women abroad looking for love. I’ve met them, I’ve worked with them, and they’re wonderful. But they don’t rush, they don’t guilt, and they definitely don’t invoice.
So if she tells you she loves you after three days but still “can’t find her passport,” send compassion, not cash.
Because you deserve something better than scripted affection. You deserve something real.
Tell me, have you ever gotten one of those too-perfect messages? Forward it to me; we’ll decode it together next week.
