Today I talk to a pretty Ukrainian lady Ira who is a blogger and has gathered a lot of experience with communication with foreigners online. I am really very glad that Ira agreed to answer a couple of my questions.
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Krystyna
Hello Ira, nice to meet you today! To get started, please tell my readers a little bit about yourself (where do you live?, how old are you?, what blogs do you have?).
Ira
Hello Krystyna. I live in Chernihiv, a historic city in northern Ukraine. I am 36 years old. I run several blogs. On my first blog, I tell my readers about Estonia from the migrants’ point of view. I cover topics on Estonia-Ukraine relations (cultural, social and political events), as well.
Furthermore, I have several blogs on photography and needlework. My blogs are in Russian. And recently, I decided to create a new blog in English so that people from other countries can read about events taking place in Ukraine.
Krystyna
You told me that you have a great experience with International online dating. Why did you decide to communicate with Western men? What were your intentions (just for communication or for a serious relationship)? What experience did you gain?
Ira
My experience with online dating is pretty huge. I started looking for a Western man when my female friend found an online dating agency. She wanted to find a foreign husband, too. Therefore, we corresponded with American men. That was in 2000. My friend finally married an Israeli and moved to Tel Aviv.
What can I say about online dating? I have experiences with dating Ukrainian men and foreign men. I could even write a book about my experience. I found out that there are very many strange and mentally ill people. But I am happy about the fact that there are also very nice people. Frankly, I was disappointed in Ukrainian men. They do not offer anything other than sex for one or two times.
Communication with foreigners gives me an opportunity for my personal development. I have learned a lot about other countries, cultures and needs of the people. I lived four years in Estonia where I had a great opportunity to communicate with students from different parts of the world. This changed my personality.
I have gained a lot of interesting and rich experiences through acquaintances with foreign men online. For example, not only European and American men are interested in Slavic women. Men from undeveloped countries such as Pakistan, the Philippines, Algeria, India, and others, want to marry our girls because they want to go from a poor home country. As for me, they consider Ukraine as a rich country.
Well, I would like to say the following words in order to answer the main question about what intentions I have when I use different online dating services. I’m looking for a strong and educational man without extravagances. In all probability, I’m looking for a happy medium to create my family and live together. I do not like alcoholics, idiots or boring intellectuals.
Krystyna
Most Russian and Ukrainian dating sites and matchmaking agencies say their male customers from the West that the majority of single Russian and Ukrainian ladies are looking for a man abroad because the men at home are alcoholics and women are not fully respected and abused. In my opinion, many Russian and Ukrainian ladies believe that men in the Western world have the potential to be better husbands and fathers than men in their region.
My next question to you is why, in your opinion, Russian and Ukrainian women are looking for Western men? What are the main reasons? Lack of “normal” men at home, search for a better life abroad or looking indeed for love?
Ira
In my opinion, definitely, lack of “normal” men in Russia and Ukraine. I can surely say that a lot of Russian and Ukrainian women are looking for a Western husband because our men are alcoholics and goldbrickers. Many women believe in a meeting with a foreign prince.
In my opinion, there are three reasons why Russian and Ukrainian women dream to find a man from abroad, namely: widespread poverty, inappropriate behavior and low culture of the majority of Russian and Ukrainian men as well as traditionally formed matriarchy.
Here is my explanation of these three reasons:
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Reason #1: widespread poverty in Ukraine
For example, most people in my city get too low salaries (Note: The average monthly salary in Chernigov is about $200). Thus, an average Ukrainian guy cannot offer his girlfriend to go to a restaurant and treat her to delicious food and wine or buy her beautiful flowers because he has no money. In this case, unfortunately, a guy cannot also provide for his family and children. Consequently, most Ukrainian women become materialistic because they have to think about their children (the women make any effort to survive and feed their children). They use men only for money. I think that the poorer the country, the more commercialism. -
Reason #2: unsuitable behavior and low culture of the majority of Russian and Ukrainian men
Unfortunately, Russian and Ukrainian men do not want to be responsible for their family because of the destruction of traditional family values and declining culture in Ukraine and Russia. As for me, they only want a sexual relationship with a woman and do not want any obligations. Moreover, alcoholism is a strong “tradition” in Russian and Ukrainian society. Whereas people in Europe do sports, our people drink vodka. Well-educated and intelligent people tend to leave Russia and Ukraine because they cannot agree with the mentality of the majority. -
Reason #3: matriarchy in Ukraine
Matriarchy dominates in Ukrainian society. That means that a woman supports and manages the family. Therefore, Ukrainian men often try to find a “wife-mother” and live at her expense. Our women are strong and smart. They can live without male assistance. But it is a hard work. There is no doubt that the majority of women in Ukraine dream to find a strong and intelligent man (also from abroad) and hope that their family becomes a strong team.
Krystyna
Ira, I read your article “How Ukrainian dating agencies work” about your job search and experience in arranging at an International marriage agency in Chernigov. Honestly, your experience sounds awful. Many Western men looking for a Russian or Ukrainian woman for life do not believe anymore in the fact that it is possible to meet a real woman with serious intentions through International online dating sites or marriage agencies.
What do you think about this fact? Do you guess it is still possible to meet a woman for life through a paid dating site or not?
Ira
I would like to mention one important fact that Western men looking for a Ukrainian woman through online dating sites need to know. There’s always a scam where a lot of money is involved. If a Western man decides to register on a paid Russian/Ukrainian dating site, he will be very probably scammed by this dating company. I’m sure that the International online dating works like that in Ukraine.
Nevertheless, I have a good example of a cross-cultural marriage when people actually met online and got married. My friend from Poland found a girl from South America. Now they live in Warsaw and have two children. Frankly, they met through a free online dating site.
Krystyna
Thank you very much, Ira, for answering my questions. 🙂
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Hola krystyna, yo soy de México y te mando un saludo por todo mi país.
No quería yo comentar algo de mi vida, y de lo que viví durante cuatro años, me sentí completamente un tonto y me reí de mi mismo, al leer el articulo de Ron, sobre Irina Bashuk (8120), y que él estaba enamorado de ella.
En Agosto del año pasado había cumplido cuatro años de comunicarme con Irina Bashuk , anteriormente había tenido dos discusiones con Irina, sobre sus actitudes y como ella me trataba, no me sentía correspondido por ella y en Octubre del 2011, desidia terminar con la relación. pero en enero del 2012 ella me busco, por le que le dije, que si me buscaba era por que yo solo le importaba.
Empezamos bien la relación, pero yo intuía que las cosas no iban bien, en varios ocasiones yo le pedía tener una vídeo conferencia, pero ella se negaba, solo teníamos vídeo chat, te diré que aveces sentía que también se comunicaba con otra persona al mismo tiempo, ya que sus movimientos no correspondían a nuestra comunicación.
En agosto del 2012, deje de escribirle, estaba perdiendo el interés por ella y me sentía mal, estaba decidido a ir a verla, con mucho sacrificio junte dinero, junto con mi amigo Jorge, pero otras circunstancias ajenas a los planes ya hechos no pudimos ir, y también la temporada de frió se llegaba, y en octubre del 2012, pedí a la agencia darme de baja definitiva.
La agencia solo se preocupo por hacerme un descuento o si uno de sus servicios estaba mal, nunca me preguntaron, como me sentía emocionalmente o como iba el trato con Irina, eso mas me molesto, al ver que solo era negocio.
Me di cuenta que, di todo mi tiempo dinero y esfuerzo y los mas importante di mi corazón por ella, he ir a verla, pero me di cuenta que ella no dio nada o un motivo, para que yo fuera a verla, solo quería recibir sin dar nada a cambio.
Y que a Ron le dio comunicación por otros medios, me sentí, defraudado, por ella, le escribí muchas cartas, la verdad no se, si le dijeron todo a ella o solo lo necesario.
Pero creo que cuando alguien te interesa se demuestra desde el comienzo, afortunadamente, he aprendido de las experiencias de mi vida, y soy responsable de lo que yo hice, se que esto es así, pero como le dije a Irina, así como te trate con el corazón, lo voy hacer con la mujer que en verdad quiera estar conmigo, a nadie se tiene a la fuerza.
Hoy en día estoy tranquilo, debes en cuando, se me sale de mi boca el nombre de ella, y digo, se estará acordando de mi, se que fui un tonto el enamorarme de una mujer, que nunca tuve frente de mi, que no la conosi realmente.
Nunca me despedí de ella, nunca le reclame lo de Ron, ya no quería discutir con ella, preferí solo dar la vuelta.
Krystyna, esto es algo de lo que viví durante cuatro años con Irina Bashuk, como veras fueron muchas cosas que le escribí a ella, muchas cartas, yo también reconozco mis errores, y se pedir perdón y perdonar.
gracias por tus atenciones
Lalo