When Western men ask me whether a particular international online dating website is a scam, they usually hope that I can give them a simple answer and tell them whether they should trust the woman they are talking to. Unfortunately, after many years of working in international dating and matchmaking, I know that these situations are rarely simple enough for a straightforward yes or no answer.
A Ukrainian woman can be completely real, use her real photographs, speak with you on video, and have genuine social media accounts under her real name. However, none of these things automatically prove that her intentions are serious or that the relationship is actually moving toward a real-life meeting.
I recently received several messages from a reader whom I will call Michael. I have changed his name to protect his privacy, while the essential details of his experience remain the same.
I think his situation is worth discussing because it shows exactly how complicated these cases can become. His story also demonstrates why verifying someone’s identity is important, but understanding her intentions is even more important.
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Michael Had Already Verified the Woman
Michael contacted me because he had been communicating with a Ukrainian woman through a dating website called The Lucky Date. She was originally from Kyiv, although she was staying in Poland at the time, and they had apparently been talking long enough for Michael to believe that their communication could develop into a serious relationship.
They were also supposed to meet in person, which is where Michael’s concerns really began.
The Ukrainian woman was supposed to travel from Poland to the United States, but the planned meeting had already been postponed several times. She had another explanation for the latest delay and told Michael that she was now supposed to leave for the United States on Friday.
Michael was understandably becoming suspicious because communicating through The Lucky Date had also become very expensive.
At the same time, there was one important detail that made the situation less obvious than a typical online dating scam. Michael had investigated the woman, knew her real name, had found her social media accounts, and had communicated with her through video.
In other words, he had good reason to believe that the woman herself was real.
This is exactly where many people make an understandable mistake, because they assume that proving someone’s identity also proves that the relationship is genuine. In reality, these are two completely different questions that need to be considered separately.
Why I Had Concerns About The Ukrainian Dating Site
I had already heard about The Lucky Date, so I created a profile as a man because I wanted to see how the platform worked from the male customer’s perspective. I looked at the dashboard, the communication system, and the information available about the company behind the platform.
Based on what I saw, I personally would not choose this website if I were a man seriously looking for a genuine relationship. One of my concerns was the lack of transparency about the people behind the business. I found it difficult to identify clear information about the founders, management, or the individuals responsible for operating the platform.
For me, transparency matters considerably when a dating platform asks customers to spend substantial amounts of money communicating with people they have never met. However, the more important issue in Michael’s situation was the credit-based communication model.
Michael told me that the woman had never asked him directly for money, and I understand why he considered this reassuring. However, on a platform where communication itself generates revenue, a woman does not necessarily have to ask a man to send her money personally.
There can still be a financial incentive to continue conversations, encourage additional communication, or keep someone purchasing credits and virtual services for as long as possible.
This is why I would never use the absence of a direct request for money as proof that there is no financial motivation involved. When communication is expensive, I always recommend looking carefully at whether the relationship is genuinely progressing beyond the paid platform.
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Her Explanation About Email Concerned Me
Another part of Michael’s story immediately caught my attention because he had already found the woman’s social media accounts and had apparently been given her personal email address. But she told him that she was having problems using her email because her computer needed to be repaired.
That explanation did not make much sense to me because someone does not normally need a computer to access personal email. Gmail, Facebook Messenger, Telegram, WhatsApp, Viber, and similar communication services can all be used from an ordinary smartphone.
The situation became even more suspicious when Michael contacted me again with another explanation he had received from her. According to Michael, the woman told him that people in Ukraine were not allowed to have email on their mobile phones and that Ukrainian mobile services did not provide this possibility.
That statement was simply not true. I have an assistant who lives in Ukraine, and I also have Ukrainian family members who are now living in Germany. They use Gmail, Telegram, Viber, WhatsApp, and other communication services on their phones without experiencing the restrictions that Michael had been told about.
This made me wonder how the woman normally communicated with her own friends and family, especially considering how many Ukrainians now have relatives and close friends living in different countries.
If someone can communicate with friends, relatives, colleagues, and other people through a mobile phone, but somehow cannot communicate with the man she supposedly wants to build a relationship with outside an expensive dating platform, I would want a very convincing explanation.
The Individual Excuses Matter Less Than the Pattern
One of the most important lessons from Michael’s situation is that you should not evaluate every excuse separately, because almost every individual explanation can sound reasonable when you consider it in isolation.
A computer can certainly break, and international travel plans can obviously change. Someone can experience technical problems, and a planned meeting can sometimes need to be postponed for completely legitimate reasons. However, when several explanations begin appearing together, you need to stop analyzing each one individually and start looking at the overall pattern.
In Michael’s situation, the meetings had already been postponed several times, while communication through the expensive dating platform continued without difficulty. Moving the conversation to ordinary communication channels appeared surprisingly complicated, despite the fact that Michael knew her real identity and had found her social media profiles.
Then came the claim that using email on a mobile phone was somehow illegal in Ukraine.
At that point, I would not continue spending money while waiting for another explanation, because the accumulated pattern had become much more important than any single excuse.
A Real Woman Can Still Have Different Intentions
Michael repeatedly emphasized that he knew the woman was real, and I think this distinction deserves much more attention in discussions about international dating.
Online dating fraud is often presented as though the only danger involves a completely fake person hiding behind stolen photographs. That certainly happens, but it is only one possible scenario. A woman can be completely real while still having motivations that are different from yours.
She might enjoy the attention without seriously intending to meet you, or she might benefit financially from continued communication on the platform. She could even genuinely like talking to you while having no realistic intention of developing the relationship outside the website.
Human motivations are often complicated, which is exactly why trying to guess someone’s intentions from messages alone can become exhausting and expensive. Instead of spending months analyzing every conversation, I prefer to look at whether the person’s behavior is consistent with the relationship she says she wants.
If she says that she wants a serious relationship, then over time her actions should gradually move in that direction.
What I Recommended Michael Should Do
I advised Michael to significantly reduce or completely stop purchasing credits and move the relationship toward something concrete.
Rather than continuing another month of expensive conversations, I suggested asking specific questions about when they were actually going to meet and what practical steps were necessary to make that meeting happen. Because the woman was staying in Poland, I also suggested that Michael tell her he was considering coming to Poland within approximately two weeks and would like to meet her there.
He did not need to purchase a plane ticket immediately, because the first purpose of this suggestion was simply to observe her reaction when presented with a realistic opportunity to meet.
If she genuinely wanted to develop a relationship with him, I would expect her to respond positively to the possibility of communicating independently and arranging a real meeting.
However, if another unexpected problem appeared as soon as a realistic meeting became possible, I would consider that response extremely important.
You do not need to accuse someone of lying in this situation, and you certainly do not need to start an argument about every inconsistency. You simply need to create a reasonable opportunity for the relationship to move forward and then observe what the other person actually does.
Two Things I Would Watch Very Carefully
When I look at a situation like Michael’s, there are two things that matter much more to me than endless online investigation:
- Communication should gradually become easier outside the paid platform. When two people have already established trust and are discussing a serious relationship, there should normally be a natural desire to communicate directly through ordinary channels. If every attempt to move away from paid communication produces another technical problem or unusual explanation, I would consider that pattern a serious warning sign.
- Plans to meet should gradually become more specific. Unexpected problems can happen, particularly when international travel is involved, but repeated postponements without meaningful progress should eventually carry more weight than promises about what will supposedly happen next week.
These points become even more important when someone is already spending significant amounts of money simply to maintain communication. The longer a relationship remains permanently dependent on an expensive platform, the more carefully I would question who benefits from keeping the relationship there.
Michael Decided to Give Her One Final Chance
After our conversation, Michael wrote to me again and said that he would stop spending money on the website. He planned to suggest meeting in Poland and see how the woman reacted to a realistic opportunity to meet him outside the platform.
He also told me that she was supposedly leaving for the United States that Friday, so he wanted to give her one final opportunity to demonstrate that her plans were genuine. I thought this was a reasonable decision because it moved Michael away from trying to interpret every message and toward evaluating actual behavior.
There comes a point when collecting more information does not necessarily give you greater clarity. Sometimes the most useful thing you can do is change the circumstances and see whether the relationship can function under normal conditions.
If the relationship suddenly becomes almost impossible once the paid platform is removed, that information is valuable as well.
Do Not Spend Months Trying to Prove Someone Is Lying
One mistake I regularly see in international dating is that people believe they need absolute proof before they are allowed to walk away from a suspicious situation.
They continue investigating photographs, checking social media accounts, comparing stories, searching addresses, and analyzing every new explanation because they want to know with complete certainty whether the other person is lying.
I understand this impulse, especially when someone has already invested considerable time, emotion, and money into the relationship. However, you do not need to prove that someone is a scammer before deciding that the situation no longer makes sense for you.
You are simply deciding whether another person’s behavior gives you enough confidence to continue investing your time, emotions, and money.
Basic verification is sensible, particularly before traveling internationally or making serious financial commitments. However, verification should eventually lead toward a real relationship rather than becoming a permanent substitute for one.
Once you have established that the person exists, the next question should be whether she is willing and able to build something with you outside the environment where you are paying to communicate.
What This Case Can Teach Anyone Dating Internationally
Michael’s story is useful because there was no obvious fake profile, stolen identity, or direct request for money. The woman appeared to be a real person, and Michael had taken reasonable steps to confirm her identity.
The concerns appeared through her behavior and through the repeated obstacles preventing the relationship from becoming independent of the paid dating platform. This is why I recommend paying attention to progression rather than promises.
- After weeks or months of communication, are you closer to meeting than you were before?
- Have you exchanged normal contact information and started communicating independently?
- Are your plans becoming more specific, or are you still discussing a future that always seems to move another week or month away?
Those questions are much more useful than asking whether someone sounded sincere during yesterday’s conversation.
People can say wonderful things online, particularly when a relationship has become emotionally intense. What ultimately matters is whether those words are supported by consistent behavior over time.
My Practical Checklist Before You Keep Spending Money
If you are communicating with someone through an expensive international dating platform and you are beginning to question the situation, I would ask yourself several practical questions before purchasing more credits.
- Have you confirmed that the person actually exists, and have you communicated through live video rather than relying entirely on photographs and written messages?
- Is she willing to communicate through normal channels outside the paid website once sufficient trust has been established?
- Have you discussed a realistic meeting with an actual location and approximate date rather than repeatedly talking about meeting someday?
- When a meeting is postponed, does the explanation make sense, and does she actively help arrange another realistic date?
- Are technical problems and unusual circumstances appearing mainly when you try to move communication away from the paid platform?
- Is the relationship making measurable progress, or are you spending more money while essentially remaining in the same position month after month?
No single answer necessarily proves that someone has dishonest intentions, because real relationships can involve complicated circumstances and genuine setbacks. However, when several warning signs repeatedly point in the same direction, I would take the overall pattern seriously rather than continuing to explain each problem away.
The Question Is Not Only Whether She Is Real
The most important lesson from Michael’s story is one that I have seen repeatedly in international dating.
Confirming that a woman is real is important, but it is only the beginning of the verification process. Her photographs can be real, her name can be real, her social media profiles can be real, and the woman speaking to you during a video call can genuinely be the person she claims to be. However, none of those facts can tell you what she actually wants from the relationship.
When every attempt to move the relationship forward creates another obstacle while expensive online communication continues without difficulty, I would not ignore that pattern simply because the person on the other side of the screen has been verified. Michael already knew that the woman existed, but that was never the most important question he needed to answer.
The real question was whether their relationship could exist outside the dating platform, and the most reliable way to discover that was to stop paying for endless uncertainty and give the relationship a genuine opportunity to move into real life.
A real identity tells you who you are speaking with, but consistent actions tell you whether you are both looking for the same relationship.
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