What happens when you are seventy, have spent forty five years with one woman, and suddenly have to learn how international online dating works?
A reader I will call Thomas found himself in exactly this situation after losing his wife, Claudia, following a long marriage. I have changed their names and identifying details to protect their privacy. Thomas wanted companionship again and was considering international dating, particularly meeting a Japanese or Chinese woman.
His biggest problem was not whether he was ready for another relationship. He had never used an online dating site before and did not know how to judge platforms, costs, profiles, or possible scams.
Thomas’s story is a good example of what mature beginners face when they enter international online dating for the first time. In this article, I will share the practical advice I gave him about choosing dating sites, controlling costs, recognizing risks, and moving safely toward a real meeting.
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Thomas Had 45 Years of Marriage Experience and Zero Online Dating Experience
The first thing I would tell Thomas is that having no experience with online dating does not mean having no experience with relationships. There is an important difference between the two.
A man who has spent forty five years in a marriage already understands many things that cannot be learned from a dating app. He knows something about commitment, compromise, loyalty, everyday partnership, and sharing a life with another person.
What Thomas needs to learn is how modern online dating works. He needs to understand how different platforms make money, how to recognize suspicious behavior, how to communicate safely, and when an online acquaintance should start moving toward a personal meeting.
This unfamiliarity can make mature beginners feel insecure. You may look at a dating website and assume that everyone else understands how everything works while you are still trying to figure out what a credit is and why sending another message suddenly costs money.
You do not need to understand everything before creating your first profile. You simply need to move slowly enough to understand what you are doing before you become emotionally or financially invested.
Be Clear About the Woman You Want to Meet
Before Thomas registers on any international online dating site, I would ask him to sit down with a piece of paper and describe the woman and relationship he actually wants. This may sound simple, but it can completely change the way you approach international dating.
Saying, “I want to meet a young and beautiful Asian woman,” is not specific enough. It tells you almost nothing about whether that woman could realistically become your partner.
A useful description would be much more concrete. You might write: “I am looking for a Chinese or Japanese woman between 50 and 65 years old who speaks at least some English, is family oriented, wants a serious relationship, and would consider relocating to my country within the next twelve months.”
You should also think about marriage, children, lifestyle, religion, language, relocation, finances, and where you expect to live together. These questions may not sound romantic, but they become very important when two people come from different countries.
I would divide your preferences into two groups:
- What really matters to you: age range, country, language, family values, marriage, relocation plans, and lifestyle.
- Where you can be flexible: appearance, profession, education, exact location, hobbies, and smaller personal preferences.
Once you know what you are looking for, choosing where to search becomes much easier. You also become less likely to spend months communicating with an attractive woman whose plans were never compatible with yours.
Discover more about international dating:
- 10 Features to Look for in a Trustworthy International Dating App
- Choosing a Country for International Dating in 2026: Why Some Men Prefer the Philippines, Ukraine, Russia, etc.
- Can You Trust an International Dating Site to Find Real Love? My Honest Take
- Real Ukrainian Woman, Endless Chat: When Online Dating Never Becomes Real
Being Careful Is a Good Way to Start Online Dating
Thomas described himself as somewhat anxious about online dating, but definitely not without courage. I actually think this is a sensible attitude for someone entering international dating for the first time
You should be open enough to meet new people while remaining careful about whom you trust. Curiosity and caution can work very well together, especially when you are learning something completely new.
After losing a partner with whom you shared several decades, new romantic attention can also have a powerful emotional effect. Receiving affectionate messages from an attractive woman may feel wonderful when you have been lonely for some time.
There is nothing wrong with enjoying that attention. However, you should give yourself enough time to discover whether you genuinely like the woman herself or whether you are becoming attached to the feeling of having someone interested in you again.
That distinction can be difficult at any age. After a long marriage and a painful loss, I think it deserves even more attention.
Do Not Join Too Many International Dating Sites at Once
Thomas had already looked at eDarling and AsianDating, and he wanted my opinion about where he could meet Japanese or Chinese women. My advice was not to register on every international dating website he could find.
For someone without previous online dating experience, that can quickly become confusing. You may end up communicating with too many women, paying for several memberships, and losing track of what you are actually spending.
If Japan is your main interest, a specialized platform such as JapanCupid may be worth exploring. AsianDating can also be an option if you are interested more broadly in meeting Asian women.
Whatever platform you choose, remember that joining a large dating site does not remove the need for caution. International platforms can contain genuine members alongside inactive profiles, questionable accounts, and people whose intentions may be very different from yours.
I would therefore begin with one or two platforms and learn how they work before adding anything else. You can always explore other options later if the first websites do not suit you.
Understand How International Dating Sites Charge You
When Thomas asked me which international dating sites he could use to meet Japanese or Chinese women, I realized that payment models were completely new to him. He had never dated online before, so naturally he did not know why one site asks for a monthly membership while another lets you register for free and then charges separately for chats, letters, photos, or video calls.
I explained that subscription sites such as JapanCupid are usually easier for beginners to understand. You choose a membership period and know approximately what you will spend during that time.
For a man like Thomas, who first needs to learn how online dating works, I see an advantage here because he can browse profiles and communicate without wondering how many credits every additional conversation will consume.
Credit based platforms such as BeHappy2Day require a different approach (read also my review: BeHappy2Day.com Review – Worth Your Money & Time?). You purchase credits and use them for individual communication services.
When I checked BeHappy2Day, for example, regular live chat cost one credit per minute, while two-way video cost five credits per minute. This means that a thirty-minute two-way video conversation could use 150 credits.
Credits are not necessarily a problem, but you need to understand how quickly you are using them. I advised Thomas to buy only a small package initially if he wanted to test this type of platform. I would not buy 1,000 credits simply because the price per credit looks more attractive, especially when you have no idea whether you will even like the site.
Free dating sites and apps are another option, but I would not choose them simply because they cost nothing. With some free platforms, profile verification can be weaker, inactive or questionable profiles may be more common, and communication features can be limited.
For international dating, I particularly value live video because I want a man to see and speak with the woman before becoming seriously emotionally involved.
I also mentioned LoveMe (A Foreign Affair) because it represents another approach altogether. It combines elements of online dating with matchmaking, Singles Clubs, social events, personal introductions, and Romance Tours (read also: A Foreign Affair Romance Tour Review: Is It Worth It?).
For an older man like Thomas, who is specifically interested in Asian women and has no previous online dating experience, that model may actually be easier than spending months trying to understand several dating apps on his own.
This is why I would never tell Thomas simply to choose the cheapest site. First understand what you are paying for, how communication works, and whether the service actually helps you move toward meeting a woman in person.
The goal is not to find the cheapest way to chat online. The goal is to find a realistic way to meet the right woman.
Understand how dating site credits and costs work:
Know How Much You Want to Spend
I advised Thomas to start with a small package if he wanted to try a credit based dating site. First, he should find out whether he actually enjoys communicating in this way.
Buying a large package simply because the credits are cheaper does not make sense when you do not yet know whether you like the platform. It can also encourage you to stay longer because you have already spent the money.
I would also set a monthly dating budget before becoming emotionally involved with anyone. Once you really like a woman, it becomes much easier to justify another purchase because you want to continue the conversation.
Your goal should not be to spend months becoming an excellent customer of a dating website. Your goal is to meet a compatible woman and find out whether something real can develop between you.
Make Video Calls Part of Your Dating Process
For someone new to online dating, written communication can create a strong impression very quickly. A woman may appear warm, intelligent, romantic, and deeply interested through her messages.
Those conversations can certainly be genuine, but written messages alone do not tell you enough. I would encourage Thomas to have live video conversations once he has found someone he genuinely wants to know better.
Video helps you confirm that the person exists and gives you a more natural impression of her personality. You can see how easily you communicate together instead of relying entirely on carefully written messages and attractive photographs.
A video call still does not prove that someone wants a serious relationship. What it gives you is another useful piece of information before you invest more time, money, and emotion.
As trust develops, I would also expect communication to become easier rather than more complicated. A promising relationship should gradually become less dependent on expensive website features.
IMPORTANT: Never Send Money to a Woman You Only Know Online
There is one rule I would give Thomas very clearly: Never send money to a (foreign) woman you have only met through an international dating website or app.
The explanation behind the request does not change my advice. Medical bills, family emergencies, travel expenses, visa costs, rent problems, lost phones, and urgent plane tickets can all sound convincing when you already care about someone.
This point can be especially important for mature men who have spent decades taking care of a wife and family. Helping someone you love may feel completely natural because generosity was part of your marriage.
However, a woman you have recently met online is not yet your partner. You should not take on financial responsibility for someone simply because your conversations have become emotional or romantic.
You can be caring without sending money. A genuine relationship should have enough space for reasonable boundaries.
Do Not Spend a Year Building a Relationship Through Messages
International online dating can easily turn into months of conversations when neither person takes practical steps toward meeting. I would not recommend building an entire romantic relationship with someone you have never met in person.
There is no need to book a flight after your first few conversations. However, once you know that you are seriously interested in each other, you should begin discussing how a realistic meeting could happen.
Some simple questions can tell you a great deal:
- Where could you realistically meet each other, and when would both of you have enough time?
- What practical arrangements would each person need to make before the meeting?
You are not pressuring someone by discussing these things. You are finding out whether both of you see the online communication as a path toward something real.
If months pass and every conversation about meeting remains vague, I would pay attention to that. Romantic messages are enjoyable, but they should not permanently replace real progress.
Matchmaking May Be Easier for Some Mature Beginners
Online dating platforms are not the only option available to a seventy year old man looking internationally. For some mature beginners, traditional matchmaking may actually feel more comfortable.
A matchmaking agency can learn about your expectations, introduce suitable women, and help arrange personal meetings. This approach can reduce some of the uncertainty that comes with searching through hundreds of profiles by yourself.
Because Thomas was particularly interested in meeting a Japanese woman, I mentioned Traditional Japanese Matchmaker as another possibility he could investigate. The point was not that matchmaking is automatically better than online dating, but that different approaches suit different personalities.
Some men enjoy browsing profiles and managing conversations independently. Others prefer having someone guide the process and help them focus on a smaller number of suitable introductions.
At seventy, you do not need to prove that you can master every dating app yourself. You need a way of meeting women that makes you feel comfortable and gives you a realistic opportunity to build a relationship.
Why Some Men Choose Romance Tours Instead of Dating Sites
I also mentioned organized romance tours as another possibility for someone interested in international dating. Services such as LoveMe offer organized trips where the emphasis is placed more directly on meeting women in person. I generally prefer approaches that help people move from online communication toward real meetings within a reasonable period.
You can learn more from spending several hours together than from exchanging hundreds of romantic messages.
When you meet someone personally, you begin noticing things that are difficult to understand online. You see how comfortable the conversation feels, how the other person behaves, whether you share a sense of humor, and whether there is genuine chemistry between you.
Online dating should help you create opportunities for those meetings. It should not become a permanent substitute for having a relationship in the real world.
Give Yourself Permission to Learn Slowly
After forty five years of marriage, even creating a dating profile may feel strange. Choosing photographs, writing about yourself, receiving messages from unfamiliar women, and deciding whom to answer can take some getting used to.
You do not have to rush any part of this process. Give yourself time to understand the platform and become comfortable with online communication before making serious decisions.
You will probably make a few small mistakes because everyone does when learning something unfamiliar. Perhaps you will answer someone you later realize does not interest you, or you may spend too long writing a message that receives no reply.
Those mistakes are harmless. The mistakes you want to avoid involve large amounts of money, financial requests from strangers, or deep emotional commitments before you have enough information about the person.
My Advice to Thomas Was to Try, but Stay Careful
I would never tell Thomas that international dating is unsuitable simply because he is seventy and has never used a dating website before. His lack of online dating experience should not prevent him from looking for companionship again.
I would simply encourage him to begin slowly and keep the process manageable. First, write down what kind of woman and relationship you are actually looking for, including the practical questions that could determine whether a future together is realistic.
There is no reason to contact every attractive woman who appears in your search results. When you meet someone interesting, use live video and pay attention to whether communication becomes more natural over time. Discuss a personal meeting when the relationship becomes serious enough, and never send money to someone you only know online.
If a particular website makes you uncomfortable, you can leave it. If you are spending more and more money while getting no closer to meeting anyone, you can stop paying.
The money you have already spent should never become the reason you continue spending more.
Starting Again at Seventy Is Still Starting Again
What stayed with me most about Thomas’s message was not his question about credits or which dating platform he should choose. It was his willingness to consider sharing his life with someone again after losing the woman he had been married to for forty five years.
That is a very different situation from casually joining a dating app because you are bored one evening. Thomas is entering a dating world that barely resembles the one he knew before his marriage, while also carrying decades of experience from a real partnership.
I do not think being seventy means you should accept being alone when you still want companionship. At the same time, feeling that life is moving quickly should never pressure you into trusting someone faster or spending more money than feels sensible.
If you are in a similar position to Thomas, I would start by becoming clear about what you actually want. Then move slowly, stay curious, protect your finances, and pay more attention to behavior than romantic promises.
Most importantly, never forget why you entered online dating in the first place. The goal is not to spend your time endlessly chatting with strangers on a website, but to meet someone who fits the life you want and discover whether you can build something meaningful together in the real world.
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